GuanAd's Haven

It's been 1 month since the T3 shift work ends and in less than 30 days, so many things had happened:

Firstly, there's no more overseas deployment. No more talks of Middle East, no more new developments in sending friends and loved ones into a frenzy. No more reading up of Lonely Planet etc. On the outside, it may appear to be smokescreen, a hyperbole to many but honestly, these past 4 months since receiving news of a possible - and consequently, probable - overseas deployment was really a difficult experience. People asked why suddenly I'm not going - I can only say it was my mum's hard-fought prayers with the Lord that I remain in Singapore(at least for this year).

Next, I may be heading another unit - no more in charge of T1 and BT. Another tough experience - going? not going? Everyone seems to know except me. I was really at the end of my patience...I was told in verbatim "uncertainty is the only certainty". 5 wise words which I'll bear in mind. In between, I attended 2 wakes of my demised work contacts, which left a deep impression on me.

Truth is...I was neither here nor there and it's really difficult to bear during these times of silence. Praying but never received answers, knocking but no doors were opened, seeking but all roads were blocked.

Different people have different measures of trial and mine is waiting. Waiting amidst all the questions thrown at me and my family - both cynical and true concerns, which frankly I can't discern as well. Makes me feel sometimes it's better not to tell everything. Waiting for my fate and it's a big, big distraction.

Boy have I grown through this tough experience! Hopefully, the dusts of uncertainty will settle to reveal a clearer picture for the reminder of this year. I wish that you have this clarity as well.