Friday, July 27, 2007
When You Get It, You Don't Want It
This week has been kind of topsy turvy, with everyone's eyes on the July Effect. The anticipation, the euphoria and the apathy thereafter was amazingly swift.
The wait was certainly excruciating. The briefing prior to the release didn't help.
Then the call came. When you got it, you felt numb and euphoric at the same time. You felt incredibly thankful and unsure of what exactly to do with it.
Then everything started crashing to the floor two days thereafter - when you know who got it and who didn't - and you started to ask why and how. The thankfulness and joy suddenly evaporated. The responsibilities and uncertainty started weighing in. You began to ask - what if I didn't get it...
When you don't have it, you yearn for it
When you get it, you don't want it
The paradox of a modern salaried worker...
One of the many scrambling rats in a race...
how wretched you are!
The wait was certainly excruciating. The briefing prior to the release didn't help.
Then the call came. When you got it, you felt numb and euphoric at the same time. You felt incredibly thankful and unsure of what exactly to do with it.
Then everything started crashing to the floor two days thereafter - when you know who got it and who didn't - and you started to ask why and how. The thankfulness and joy suddenly evaporated. The responsibilities and uncertainty started weighing in. You began to ask - what if I didn't get it...
When you don't have it, you yearn for it
When you get it, you don't want it
The paradox of a modern salaried worker...
One of the many scrambling rats in a race...
how wretched you are!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I'm Just Uptight
According to my wife, my behaviour has been strange of late. I wake up like a zombie and I come home like a zombie. In between, the 14 hours or so, I'm also not sure what I'm really doing - so maybe I'm really a zombie these days.
I woke up at 8 am in the morning to check emails on a saturday. I worked until 2 am to send something on Friday, which was actually due the following Monday. My wife said it's the July effect, the period where increments/promotions are announced. She thinks I need to justify that I'm worth it, thus I'm behaving like this.
I don't know but I don't really think it's the July effect. Truth is I'm just uptight. I'm grasping with something I'm not really familiar. Truth is I'm struggling with routine. Truth is I'm not really happy in between the 14 hours or so. Even if the July effect comes true, would I be any happier? I'm not so sure.
I'm just uptight. I'm so out-of-sync with my environment. I sometimes felt I'm burning up on both ends.
When someone says "don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about", yes I can agree - mine is a messed-up journey at this juncture.
I think God can explain my situation now, but truth is, I'm just too uptight to listen.
I woke up at 8 am in the morning to check emails on a saturday. I worked until 2 am to send something on Friday, which was actually due the following Monday. My wife said it's the July effect, the period where increments/promotions are announced. She thinks I need to justify that I'm worth it, thus I'm behaving like this.
I don't know but I don't really think it's the July effect. Truth is I'm just uptight. I'm grasping with something I'm not really familiar. Truth is I'm struggling with routine. Truth is I'm not really happy in between the 14 hours or so. Even if the July effect comes true, would I be any happier? I'm not so sure.
I'm just uptight. I'm so out-of-sync with my environment. I sometimes felt I'm burning up on both ends.
When someone says "don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about", yes I can agree - mine is a messed-up journey at this juncture.
I think God can explain my situation now, but truth is, I'm just too uptight to listen.
