GuanAd's Haven

At Last!! we're at the terminal 1 now going to board our plane to Bangkok. Hm.. Its been a year for me.. and as for guan, ever behaving as if he own the airport.. so many "u mean u dunno?". Hm..

~ ad

Yes, ad is behaving like the mountain tortoise which she is, since she's released from the cave of confinement. Well, kind of wierd that our little Jotham is sending us off albeit while being asleep!

~ guan

Ok, got to catch the plane now. Will be back on Tuesday.

The multi-storey shopping complexes, the spicy food, the relaxing massages, the bustling nightlife, the thrill of taking an airplane again (for guan: 6 months, for ad:...was it 1 year? seems like eons ago!), and to top it all - the notion of celebrating our 1-year anniversary at a foreign land filled with hes, shes, and he-shes.

Spoiler 1 is my wife had just screwed up the digital camera, so we're not entirely sure our trip will be captured. Spoiler 2 is we will not get to see our little darling for 3 days...urgh! Spoiler 3 is we will miss church tomorrow.

O heck, the pluses outweigh the minuses! So, Bangkok, HERE WE COME!

Procrastination benefits the rash ones but befalls the thinker.

"When you are rash
Stop to think
It'll save you from regrets"

We often hear off people told to think before acting. It seems to be a good quality to ponder carefully before decisions are made.

Recently, I realised the negative effect of this quality. It applies to the over-thinkers. We become vexed when we are unable to decide after weighing our choices. To put it simply, we don't know what we want. Almost every choice possess some benefits but also carries along pitfalls. As the matter remains unresolved for a period of donkey years,frustration builds up with our inability to make swift decisions.

"If you think
Stop to act
live with it
And be convinced to accept"

Actually the word "procrastination" has a negative notation. I can't think of the word to describe the same meaning in a positive light. Please enlighten if it exists in your vocab.

"...and every time i try
to pick it up like falling sand
as fast as i pick it up
it runs away through my clutching hands
but there's nothing else i can really do
there's nothing else i can really do
at all..." ~ Cure/A Letter to Elise

Even though this song is essentially a ballad, its ending lyrics echoed unceasingly in my head as I reflected on my life this morning. The image of falling sand seared my mind.

Has your life ever sunk so low that every little happiness seems ersatz, every little motivation seems transient, and every little encouragement seems like stinging criticism? Oh, you tried to pick up your life and move on yet, it runs through your hands like falling sand? Extreme despondence, painful living, perpetual pessimism? Gosh, I've been through all that - sometimes still going through patches of it - withdrawal effects of nicotine/alcohol and all.

Was just reading TIME about happiness. Well, according to some top-notch psychologists, real happiness stems from 3 important areas - pleasure, engagement and meaning - in my own interpretation: pleasure (10%), engagement (30%), meaning (60%).

Pleasures - money, fun and all, but how much happiness can that bring you?
Active engagement in family activities, friends, love, kinship - that may certainly increase happiness a fair bit.
Meaning (of life) - what's the purpose of me living? What can I do to find meaning? Real meaning gives real happiness.

Man was made to uncover the meaning of life - falling sand or not - and through the process of searching and self-reflecting, discover his Maker and his eternal abode.

I laugh when it's raining,
I cry when it stops.
"Why does the sun goes on shining?"
When will it ever pop?

I drink when I'm happy,
I drink when I'm sad;
and then I feel crappy,
when I get stopped by Ad!

I shop when it's new year,
I shop when there's a sale.
Run out of money? - there's nothing to fear,
just sign your spouse's card with zeal!

I know this's a crap poem,
I know it very well;
but hey it's got a rhythm!
You can read it with a swell!

33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

I dare not be defeated
Just at the set of sun
when Jesus waits to whispers
"Well done, beloved well done!"
Come Lord bend from the Glory
On me Thy Spirit cast
Make me an overcomer
A victor to the last

A victor, A victor
Because of Calvary
Make me an overcomer
A conqueror A conqueror
Lord in Thee

I had just visited some of the youths' blog and chanced upon the nice pictures Samuel has posted on his own page. By the time I was at the end of it, I found myself amused and laughing at the pictures he had. Seeing the youths having so much fun and joy together in the Jr. Camp and in their youth fellowship really puts a smile in my heart. I am indeed happy for them to have found great fellowship and friendship with one another and with God.

Reading their blogs, I can only marvel at how wonderful the Lord Jesus works. Once we tried and sort of given up but the Lord never fails to answer our prayers. He, indeed is the Head of this Church. Through this whole "youth" experience, I also learned that God dedicates differents tasks to people. To me, Chris and Annie have done a great job in roping in the youths. I'm sure there are also many out there praying ernestly. We all play different parts in completing the same job. Cheers!

Hm... talking about Samuel, sometime back about 6 years ago we still gave each other hugs whenever we met at church. This is one funny guy who always interests me. Sadly, I seemed to have lost that touch with them already. As I surfed through their blogs, I felt old. Comparing their down-to-earth comments with my ever "philo" publishments, I cannot help but feel that marriage and parenthood had set this gap wider. Often, I find myself wanting to return to the past. But one has to move on in life. When I was younger, I wished that I return to childhood and so on.. No! this can't be it. I need to brace up to face life at every stage, not escaping and avoiding it. I know one fine day later on, I would wish myself in this current stage of life.

My maths teacher Mrs Yu used to tell us with a smile, "Seize the day!!" (She's Aunty Ong Neo's classmate). I think at her old age she has learnt to live without regrets, always having joy in the Lord. I wish myself to seize the day too. Old or young, joyful or sad; everything will be brought to the Lord one fine day and soon.. all these will come to past. Amen.

Soft and tender I would like to hold
My precious and loved in the womb you rolled
Countless events evolved from you
Bringing heartaches and struggles for me to tune
To watch you grow up day by day
I saw my own growth was on the way

Playing supporting roles are definitely "un-glam". It often goes un-noticed and most of the time, may not be the best job that one would like to be tasked.

Ironically, to perform well in it can be greater challenge. Pride is the first hurdle to cross. Then comes the ability to play your "un-glam" role well.. with sincerity and joy. Com'on, imagine yourself having to put up a smiley and being joyful when you just felt you've been stripped off your title as a "Lead". Mind you.. I am talking about real joy here...not just putting up a front before others. (By the way.. I mean "glam" as referring to doing something we would very much like to. )

Yet if every job is to be done to the glory of God, lead roles and supporting roles probably make no difference in itself. The crux of the problem lies in our disability to acknowledge that it is the Lord who directs us our roles in different scenes. We all fall short of that.. To me, this is a constant struggle.

"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 cor 13:4-7

Patience - Oh God, grant me the patience to stop and think before I act rashly
Kind - To always have a good thought towards others
Envy - And be happy for others achievement, contented with my own
Boast - Humble in all things, acknowledging your blessings
Rude - Be gentle in my words and actions
Self-seeking - Putting others before myself
Anger - To control my temper and not be over sensitive
Keep no record of wrongs - Always bearing and forgiving

All these extremely difficult but all I need is a willing heart. I know the Lord looks at my heart, not the number of times I fail or succeed.

Today at 5 plus, he asked me into the room and showed me a plastic bag. "What's that," I asked. He told me it was a gift for our anniversary. OH NO! It had slipped off my mind.. I frantically apologised and offered a make up kiss later.

This year, I received an M&N toy. Something to accompany me when I work. That's really cute. He always buys things that I want. He can read my mind really well..and always give me little surprises like this to show his side of affection.

On the other hand, I never really know what gifts to buy for him. Budget's always low..but I know he loves whatever things I get. Hm..but today I forgot to even wish him.. put it simply.. I just forgot about the date. Feel really bad about it. So now before the night slips away, I'll pen this down on our blog to remind myself that I owe him one...

"These five years have been a wonderful time. Through good times, bad times, disputes and joys, we have learned to support and accept one another. Through courtship, marriage and now stepping into parenthood, we have been best buddies, lovers, couple and friends. Thank you for being so wonderful.. since the day we met.. to allow this chance for us to learn, grow and lead our lives never alone."

To my husband, Guan, Happy 5th anniversary!!

Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny. —Anon.

Whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, . . . meditate on these things. —Philippians 4:8

God's thoughts are above human knowledge—
He moves in mysterious ways
To work out eternity's purpose
Through time's short procession of days. —Stiefel

God's timing is always right

When everything in life is uncertain
And men's foresight is extremely short
We can only count on our Alpha and Omega
Who knows all things from above

He who is God the most High
Is Almighty and preceeds all things
In His time He will reveal
The mysteries that seem concealed

Taking a trip down memory lane and arrived at this grunge oldie by Smashing Pumpkins.
Dedicated especially to Ad:

beautiful, you're beautiful, as beautiful as the sun
wonderful, you're wonderful, as wonderful as they come
and i can't help but feel attached
to the feelings i can't even match
with my face pressed up to the glass, wanting you

beautiful, you're beautiful, as beautiful as the sky
wonderful, it's wonderful, to know that you're just like I
and i'm sure you know me well, as i'm sure you don't
but you just can't tell
who'll you love and who you won't
and i love you, as you love me

so let the clouds roll by your face
we'll let the world spin on to another place
we'll climb the tallest tree above it all
to look down on you and me and them
and i'm sure you know me well, as i'm sure you don't
but you just can't tell, who you'll love and who you won't
don't let your life wrap up around you
don't forget to call, whenever

i'll be here just waiting for you
i'll be under your stars forever
neither here nor there just right beside you

i'll be under the stairs forever
neither here nor there just right beside you

Some decisions are never private.!.

Parenting is an art. When to take control and when to let loose for growth? As for children, is obedience always the right way to go? When should we submit and when should we fight to have things done our way?

The one thing that I detest in decision making is when it becomes an act to "preserve traditions" or give "face value". Being a relatively tradition non-chalent, I find myself upset with doing things for the above 2 reasons especially when it appears "Extra". I need to know WHY all the hassle? Someone prove their logic please.!

Chinese are good preservers of tradtions. In fact, most men are. Over the years, people continue in their old practices as a law.. as if something bad will befall if traditions are not followed.

The phrase "Substance over form" came back to me in one UDR session I attended. (For the law students, this phrase is definately not a stranger.) Most people now have preserved forms but forgot about its substance. No matter in spiritual practises or in our daily life, we should all look back and be convinced of our every act. Sadly, often preserving forms has overtaken our rationality that sometimes we insist on things which are in fact of no value at all. Erupting from this,abolishing forms may not be that easy as there will be gossips on you doing the WRONG way. "Face value" then overtakes to become the reason for your decision.

In one way or another, we are all guilty of doing things for the sake of doing it. It will be interesting to see the situation down the road in 30 years. For now, we have to act a balance between obedience and conviction in our decisions and really get down to substance over form in our Spiritual lives.

If time is reversible, I'm sure my wife will score A1 for her English with her plethora of superlatives. Well, after reading her numerous posts concerning pregnancy, I guess frustration and desperation possibly bred much ingenuity. In case, you got lost in her narratives, Ad is one very "desperate pregnant-wife" now - desperate to get out of this confinement.

Concepts of reversible time, time travelling, back to the future...etc always enchant me. Hmm...if only life is spelt backwards like the impressive Mercedes advertisement!

Well, I have wished a hundred times over that I could go back in time to tweak some of the wrong things I did, to right the wrong choices I made, and to accomplish things I wish I had done. Such was my depraved life! Yet, I am a thousand times glad that all these wrong choices, broken dreams and wrong deeds are all in place as signposts to remind me never to tread those wrong paths again.

Man was made by God to be ever forward-looking, looking faithfully for that Glorious Hope. Hindsight is never meant for regrets but a stronger impetus to walk rightly in the days ahead.