GuanAd's Haven

According to my wife, my behaviour has been strange of late. I wake up like a zombie and I come home like a zombie. In between, the 14 hours or so, I'm also not sure what I'm really doing - so maybe I'm really a zombie these days.

I woke up at 8 am in the morning to check emails on a saturday. I worked until 2 am to send something on Friday, which was actually due the following Monday. My wife said it's the July effect, the period where increments/promotions are announced. She thinks I need to justify that I'm worth it, thus I'm behaving like this.

I don't know but I don't really think it's the July effect. Truth is I'm just uptight. I'm grasping with something I'm not really familiar. Truth is I'm struggling with routine. Truth is I'm not really happy in between the 14 hours or so. Even if the July effect comes true, would I be any happier? I'm not so sure.

I'm just uptight. I'm so out-of-sync with my environment. I sometimes felt I'm burning up on both ends.

When someone says "don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about", yes I can agree - mine is a messed-up journey at this juncture.

I think God can explain my situation now, but truth is, I'm just too uptight to listen.