GuanAd's Haven

I haven't felt so down for quite some time already. It could be the perpetual lack of sleep, the avalanche of work that's piling up, or the refusal to spend some time to straighten my thoughts - fearing that every idle second I spent could be used for better purposes. I felt high-strung, exhausted.

I don't know why. I suddenly placed a lot of emphasis on what I DO instead of what He wants me to do. I want to work - I need to finish this presentation, I want to complete this management report, I want to send this email before I leave office, I want to join in this meeting...I want to, I want to...everything is I, I, I. But as it turned out, everything simply collapsed. I couldn't complete any report, I never had worse presentations, my email is choking up...this week just passed like a flash and on hindsight, I did nothing much! I felt pathetic. I made a lot of promises I couldn't keep, I felt time just slipped off my fingers like water. I felt retarded compared to my peers. I lost the quality of life. I felt like a piece of crap.

Lord, please have mercy on me. Please clarify my vision again. I feel lost, I feel afraid, I feel useless, I lost the joy, and I'm back in the rat race again. I told you so many times that I didn't want my life to be mired in the world, but yet again, I slipped. I wrenched myself out of your loving hands, thinking that I could strike out on my own - but I was so wrong. I am so wrong, Lord. I've strayed too far away from you. Sorry, please bring me back to you. Please take first place in everything I do.